Fests // Groovin The Moo – 2017 // Prince of Wales Showgrounds, Bendigo

Groovin was a bloody marathon.

Groovin The Moo is a solid one-day festival but it wears you down like a regular three-day camping weekend. The Friday night drive up, the 12-hour boogie from stage to stage, the queasy bus ride home to (for us) accommodation in Castlemaine, and the Sunday drive back to Melbourne featuring a very stressful breath test sucked the life out of us. Here’s what went down.

I can’t go out, *cough cough* I’m sick

Our fave multi-instrumentalist, Tash Sultana, pulled out to spend the day with a vocal chord specialist. This is after she had to withdraw from the Maitland leg because of laryngitis. Montaigne also backed out because of a cold and strained voice. Though they both made the Canberra show the next day, it was definitely a disappointment for the Bendigo-ers. Boo you whores? Nah, we still love ‘em.

The early acts slayed

L-FRESH the LION and Mirrah were the first act we caught and they absolutely killed it with their energy and charisma. Their small crowd steadily grew and everybody was chanting ‘1 in 100,000’ by the end. Let’s all take a moment to appreciate not-so-chubby-boy Allday. ‘You Always Know The DJ’ will forever hold a special place in my heart, but the crowd went truly nuts when he rapped over Flume’s remix of Hermitude’s ‘Hyperparadise’. Illinois native, K.Flay, also deserves a mention. ‘FML’ speaks to me on so many levels.

Alice Ivy saves the day

The set times were rejigged after Tash Sultana and Montaigne pulled out (RIP the six paper itineraries I printed out the day before, lel yes, I’m a freak). Alice Ivy filled Montaigne’s spot and was probably most welcomed by me and my drunk festival bitches. Hot tip: buy a $5 Slurpee, lace it with the alcohol that you didn’t sneak in, and dance like the wasted female you are.

All the girls standing in the line for the bathroom

OK Groovin, sort your shit out (lel puns). There were two toilet areas and the lines were friggin unbearable. My #1 Drunk Festival Bitch turned to me while we waited and said, “I think I’m going to pee my pants.” Her eyes weren’t lying and she was close to tears. My #1 Sober Festival Bitch promptly told off a couple who pushed in front of us, which set off cheers further down the line, and some kind souls at the front let my friend not piss herself and go first. We weren’t the only ones struggling, though. Picture three gals simultaneously pulling down their pants and squatting in a line. Three bums just hanging out. I’m blaming this one on the over/under 18 areas, which forces punters to skull their drinks before heading to the stages.

“Sorry, we’re sold out of hot chips.”

There was a serious hot chip shortage at Groovin. Drunk festival bitches want their hot chips.

I said, “Brr! It’s cold in here!”

This is not the festival for Coachella fashion. I love sequinned crop tops significantly more than the next person, but I also love my Kathmandu fleece and avoiding hypothermia. Groovin was fucking freezing, but at least you can buy merch, ponchos or a cow onesie to warm up.

Appreciated from afar

We had to appreciate a few acts from afar (re toilet/alcohol situation). Everyone fell a little bit more in love with Amy Shark when she performed ‘Adore’, and sets from Milky Chance and Pnau provided the perfect opportunity to spread out and dance. A clear highlight were The Wombats. Though they played tunes from their 2015 album, Glitterbug, their older stuff remains most beloved. ‘Let’s Dance to Joy Division’ was errybody’s MySpace song back in the day, but ‘1996’ gives me the nostalgic feels 💕.

The Adrenalin Slingshot ride was 10/10 worth it

A ride that catapults you into the air? Surely a recipe for vomit showers. I can safely confirm that my ride was vomit-free. $35 is a hefty price tag for a 35-second slingshot, but the view was phenomenal. “It’s so beautiful w00o0w u can rly see everything up here.”

Violent Soho got violent (in the best way)

This mosh is one you want to be in. If you like to get beaten up, bruised and trampled, then the Violent Soho mosh will certainly leave you limping the next day. Talk about it loudly enough on the bus home and you’ll lead everyone to believe you’re into S&M. “I just really love getting beaten up!”

Is it a banger?

SLUMBERJACK and Snakehips delivered banger after banger in the Moolin Rouge tent, but it was Dillon Francis’s nod to TLC’s ‘No Scrubs’, J-Kwon’s ‘Tipsy’ and Missy Elliott’s ‘Pass That Dutch’ that sealed it for me. I literally grabbed the shoulders of a random man twice my height and shook him with excitement. Soz.

To sum up? I had a great time, nobody vommed, and the long walk home was worth it for the leftover Domino’s pizza that awaited us. Groovin The Moo will exhaust you, but it remains a staple in the Australian music festival scene. Just more toilets and hot chips for next time pls ☺️.

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